This frame grab taken from Twitch.tv shows two gamers competing and a streaming chat, at right, as visitors to the online network watch the two gamers go head-to-head. Twitch’s 55 million monthly users viewed more than 15 billion minutes of content on the service in July 2014, making Twitch.tv one of the world’s biggest sources of Internet traffic. (Photo credit: AP photo by Twitch.tv)

By Omar L. Gallaga
Austin American-Statesman

Are you a good person? Before you answer, let me add a word to that: Are you a good person online?

You may be the exact same person in email correspondence, while sending texts and in posting to social media networks who you are “IRL” (in real life). That would make you a very genuine virtual person, but it would also make you a little unusual. For many people, myself included, the Internet is a place to exaggerate the better parts of yourself, to hide unsightly flaws, to say the thing you’d have never thought to say in a face-to-face conversation from behind a keyboard (often much later).

But that schism, the widening space between what we are in person and who we are online, is creating problems, I believe. Increasingly, I see people push their online personas to their limits, alienating friends and family, bullying complete strangers or just being oblivious to what their digital keystrokes convey to others.

So what? Virtual spaces aren’t real, right? Well, things we say online can come back to haunt us, as a series of tweets recently did for newly named “Daily Show” host Trevor Noah. Some people get fired over misguided Facebook posts. Others start vicious fights in comment threads that bleed over into their offline lives.

But I think the real consequence to negativity, bad behavior and over-investment in our online personas is a lot simpler: It makes us unhappy. In the many years I’ve been watching people behave badly online, I can tell you that those most prone to short tempers and aggression online carry that tension offline. They may say they’re just blowing off steam virtually, but that steam has a way of building up and blowing out.

With all that in mind, I have some suggestions. These aren’t commandments; they’re not even etiquette tips. They’re just 10 things I think could make you a better person online (and a happier person offline). Five of them are things you should do more of. The other five? Things you should stop doing immediately.

1. Be more helpful. Whatever job or hobbies you may have, you probably have some expertise. When people ask for help online, whether it’s a group email from a coworker or a desperate Facebook post from an acquaintance, think about whether you might be able to help, or at least point that person in the right direction. Sometimes, someone in distress hasn’t even thought to do a Google search to research his or her problem. That might be all the help necessary. Be helpful when you can, and stop worrying that helping will waste your time and just lead to more questions. It’s better to be a respected expert people ask for help than to ignore calls for help.

2. My friend Dwight Silverman, who deals in social media and writes about technology at the Houston Chronicle, gave one of the best, simplest answers to my call for suggestions for this column: “Care.” Care about others, care about how you present yourself to the online world, care about the greater good.

3. Double-check shaky facts and potentially phony stories. Take it from a journalist (please, I beg you): Quit posting too-good-to-be-true scandals, conspiracy theories and fake celebrity deaths all over social media without making sure they’re real. A Google search or a peek at excellent hoax-busting websites snopes.com or PolitiFact Texas will likely reveal that Southwest Airlines is not really giving away thousands of free tickets on Facebook.

4. Ask questions and be curious. Whether it’s in email or in a video chat, being more engaged in what others have to say than what comes out of your own mouth (or typing fingers) is a good way to be a better listener, a better friend, a better online citizen and a better conversation starter. Got a question that won’t leave your brain? Put it out there and be prepared to be surprised. And don’t get discouraged if you don’t get an answer right away. Some people haven’t read Item No. 1 on this list yet.

5. Treat people online like people, not screen names. That means playing nice, being respectful, responding to people’s messages instead of ignoring them, and never antagonizing people in ways you could never imagine yourself acting to someone’s face. If you make a mistake and offend someone, be quick with a sincere apology. And watch your tone. What sounds fine in your head may come across much differently as text.

And here are five things you should avoid:

1. Stop complaining so much, and keep your outrage in check. Last year, I wrote about the “Internet outrage factory,” an increasingly common tendency for Internet mobs to overreact to news stories and minor scandals. The problem is, many of these items turn out to be hoaxes or misunderstandings when all the facts come to light. Stop jumping on those angry bandwagons and, while you’re at it, stop trying to publicly shame businesses that make an honest mistake or that you aren’t dazzled by. Sharing information about a scam or nightmare customer service experience is one thing, but using social media as a bully pulpit to get something you want is shady at best. Accept that sometimes people and businesses make mistakes and they can be resolved without getting the public at large involved. Being a continually swirling vortex of hostile negativity doesn’t make you edgy and interesting, it makes you whiny and exhausting.

2. Don’t send messages between midnight and 6 a.m. If you work a night shift, that’s different, but in most cases, sending long, rambling emails or a string of texts in the wee hours is a bad idea. You’re probably not at your most lucid, and the people who see your message will wonder if you stayed up all night, bleary-eyed and sleep-deprived, working on your screed. It’s not a good look.

3. Don’t start none, won’t be none. We all know people online who instigate battles in comment sections and can never shut up whenever a controversial topic comes up. That’s called trolling. Don’t be that person. Before you engage with trolls, political loud mouths and agitators, ask yourself beforehand if it’s worth the time and potential trouble. And don’t create problems where they don’t need to exist: Ask people permission before you post images of them online (especially if kids are in photos or videos), and please don’t assume that everybody wants to be live-streamed via new online video apps. Never post or forward private messages unless you’re a whistleblower taking down an evil empire. Be respectful of the privacy of those around you.

4. Silence all jerks. Speaking of trolls and loud mouths, if someone is stressing you out and it’s edging toward harassment, don’t take it. Either block and report that person, or, if it’s someone you have to deal with in real life (say a relative or coworker), try to mute them on social media channels or filter their messages so you don’t have to see them. You’ll have less stress in your life.

5. Resist the urge to be an instant responder. Technology gives us the tools to be in constant, frequent contact. But you don’t owe anybody an instant response in any nonemergency situation. If somebody sends you a message that makes you angry, take an hour before you respond. In general, never post anything online in a state of anger, especially anger directed at an individual.

There are lots more, such as, “Stop giving everyone parenting advice they never asked for,” and, “Don’t engage with vague, passive-aggressive, attention-seeking posts,” but we’ve run out of space, and this to-do/to-don’t list is long enough. Let’s be better out there.

Looking over this list, I see that a lot of these lessons are ones my kids were taught in daycare and kindergarten. In the vast digital playgrounds of our online spaces, it can be easy to forget that we’re supposed to be acting like grown-ups.