Sequel to 2021’s ‘Mortal Kombat’ packs almost no punch

“Mortal Kombat II,” the sequel to 2021’s surprisingly entertaining reboot, has some moments going for it, some charm and humor and brutally kinetic action. But much like the elation of winning a match in a “Mortal Kombat” game, they’re fleeting, a burst of joy amid the slog of waiting for something, anything to happen. Spoiler alert: Nothing happens.

Well, that’s not quite true. “MKII,” directed by Simon McQuoid (who directed the 2021 film) from a screenplay by Jeremy Slater, is the cinematic equivalent of empty calories: A lot is happening on screen — mostly in the form of violently graphic fighting sequences — but almost none of it matters. What little plot there is is instantly forgettable: Twenty years ago, Shao Kahn (Martyn Ford) took Edenia for Outworld — via Mortal Kombat, of course — and with it Queen Sindel (Ana Thu Nguyen) and Princess Kitana (Adeline Rudolph). In the present, yet another fight-to-the-death Mortal Kombat tournament is about to happen, and the heroes of Earthrealm — Lord Raiden (Tadanobu Asano), Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee), Liu Kang (Ludi Lin), Jax Briggs (Mehcad Brooks) and Cole Young (Lewis Tan, and the protagonist of the first film) — have to save the day.

But because Earthrealm needs a new champion to join the fight, we get to meet the best part of “MKII”: Karl Urban’s Johnny Cage, whose introduction as a cynical, washed-up actor and martial artist hawking merch at cons is so hilariously depressing you can’t help but root for his comeback arc. (I would absolutely watch “Uncaged Fury,” a movie-within-the-movie in which a younger Johnny kicks ass and jumps over a rocket with “Rock You Like a Hurricane” playing in the background. It’s stupidly glorious.)

Because this script has exactly one surprise (no spoiler, promise), Johnny joins the Earthrealm team, and off to the deathmatches we go. But even the action, while appropriately gruesome and crunchy and over the top, feels disjointed as a whole, with the film racing from one disconnected set piece to the next. That might work for a “Mortal Kombat” game, in which the fight matches comes first and the narrative second (if at all), but it doesn’t work for a “Mortal Kombat” movie, which needs a cohesive plot, a reason to watch these characters pummel each other.

Maybe the plot feels so gossamer-thin because “MKII” is less a complete story in its own right and more just fan service. The hero is instantly recognizable by fans, unlike the new character created for the first movie. There’s a fight every few minutes. And the jokes and one-liners are clearly meant for fans of the franchise. It knows its target audience, for better or worse.

But to give credit where it’s due, the movie looks spectacular. The throne room where Shao Kahn rules from is appropriately sinister, dark and gloomy and oppressive. Several of the stages where the warriors fight look like they were ripped straight from the source material, completely impractical but thematically appropriate. Acid, otherworldly backdrops, too many spikes to count? All there. And the fight choreography is solid, which is a relief because the film falls apart when people stop punching and start talking.

Unless Johnny or Kano (a delightfully unhinged Josh Lawson) are talking. Wait, didn’t Kano die in the first movie, you’re asking? Don’t worry about it; just be glad the foul-mouthed miscreant is back, ready to make you laugh amid a sea of groan-worthy dialogue. (Most every other actor is completely forgettable, even when they’re the only one on screen. It’s kind of impressive, honestly.)

In the end, “Mortal Kombat II” inflicts a double whammy of fatalities against itself: It’s boring and pointless. Enjoyable-enough performances by Urban and Lawson and a few creative set pieces aside, it’s nothing more than 116 minutes of set-up for “Mortal Kombat III.” And that, as they say in the fighting game world, is a whiff.

Two “Please, finish him” stars out of five.

Photo caption: Karl Urban as Johnny Cage, from left, Hiroyuki Sanada as Scorpion and Josh Lawson as Kano in “Mortal Kombat II.” (Warner Bros. Pictures)